On Friendship

Yesterday my dad told me that one of his close friends from college had passed away from a heart attack. He hadn't seen him in maybe 10 years. This morning, he got news of another friend who had also tragically passed. This time a brain tumor. He wishes he had more time with them.

As adults, friendship is a budgeting game

That's what a close friend had said last week. I thought to myself, that's so true. Managing friendships is just a matter of allocating time. But, in a society where we all have so many priorities, friends are often the first to be dropped from that budget.

If you think about it, you might have already spent the majority of your time with certain friends. Had a close friend or roommate in college that you would see almost every day? Let's say you live on opposite coasts. You see them 5 days a year for the rest of your life. It would take you over 30 years to match the amount of time you spent with them in just one year of college at that cadence.

Moving this logic over to parents and the math gets even more concerning. I definitely recommend you check out Tim Urban's fun visual blog post on that matter.

So how do we budget better? How do we grow time?

Well, unlike a real budget, we can't actually grow time. It's finite. We're given a certain amount at birth and there's no way to add more. The only possible way to "add more" is by living close to those you want to see. But career, significant others, your own kids, or finances still often prevent us from doing that.

So I guess we're back to square one. If your friends and family are scattered, you have to budget. But if they're all in one place, then I guess you got lucky. Now you can grow time.